Hoon

I give you permission. Just all of it. You have permission.

Here is an ever growing list of things that happen to you when you're a big, dumb dog-monster who never tried to live with humans before your twentieth birthday.

- You eat bananas without peeling them first, forever tainting your opinion of bananas.
- You try something similar with a bag of potato chips. Fortunately, someone with significantly more chip experience than you opens up the bag for you. Chips, as it turns out, are too tasty to be ruined for you.
- You walk into a sliding glass door.
- ... Twice.
- You find out that despite your mother's best efforts to keep you literate, your spelling is on par with your average eight year old.
- You break a smartphone trying to figure out how to turn it back on.
- ... Twice.
- You find out the hard way that you have to use the bathroom indoors, after the not-so-nice-after-all woman next door finds you marking a clear separation between her house and yours.
- You find out pants must be worn at all times when in public. Shirts should probably also be worn.